The one thing that every business partnership needs to thrive
In all our years of living, we've seen that relationship misalignment comes down to this one simple thing: autonomy... or lack of.
Autonomy isn't just a value that some of us hold. Indeed, it is our main core value, and maybe it's not as emphasized for other people and their partnerships.
But it is an absolutely necessary and fundamental trait that determines the longevity and purity of a partnership. No matter the type of relationship, autonomy is something that both individuals need to consider in order to prevent lingering tension and resentment build-up.
What is autonomy?
"Autonomy" is the ability to choose our actions from a sense of genuine desire and alignment of personal values, rather than from pressure, obligation, or unspoken expectations.
It is the core determining factor of true compatibility. When we give others (and ourselves) the freedom to choose what genuinely feels best for us, we see the natural compatibilities and incompatibilities that rise.
Many of us are afraid of giving others the full freedom to choose, as it forces them to confront the core incompatibilities in their partnership. Or we're afraid of choosing what's best for us, because we feel selfish.
"If I give them that freedom, they won't choose what I want."
So they resort to things like:
- subtle control & manipulation
- guilt-tripping
- emphasizing obligation, duty, or shared history
- silent punishments or passive aggressiveness
Fuck all that! The incompatibilities still linger under the surface, and the relationship continues to build on things like shared history, shared resources, practical matters, or convenience rather than genuine bonding.
How to compromise when you both want different things
If you both genuinely want the partnership to work, that's already one compatibility that you both share working in favor of you both. You then need to allow the other to share what they genuinely desire, figure out the core values behind why they desire it, and find a way to bridge those values.
If those values don't conflict, there's always a way to bridge the gap.
And if those values do conflict, do not compromise on them. Your core values are non-negotiable.
Even the act of compromising should come from a place of "doing this (for myself, for the other person) would truly feel uplifting for me, not just because it's
Remember this: You deserve more than needing to hold onto someone from a place of control. They deserve the freedom to choose what genuinely lights them up. And vice versa.
Letting go of a partnership isn't the end of the world. It's better to partner with those who are truly compatible, and face the "shit" that comes up when you both allow each other autonomy.
Example: your business partner Candace
Let's say you and your partner Candace co-host a podcast.
You both want your podcast to succeed and reach millions around the world.
Candace wants to be featured on as many other podcasts as possible for brand exposure. But you want to put boundaries around how you're represented. And when you're featured on someone else's podcast, you can't control how the final product comes out.
In a healthy partnership, Candace will respect those boundaries and your need for agency. You'll both negotiate to find a way to gain exposure without sacrificing your value of self-governance.
In a partnership that doesn't respect autonomy, Candace will try to convince you that you should work on your shyness, overcome your fear of being exposed, or guilt you into thinking that you're blocking the whole business.
Don't back down. You have your right to choose.