The Surprising Trick People Use to Gain Trust

We are taught that scammers are aggressive, loud, and pushy.

In movies, they’re the salespeople screaming about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. But most of the people who exploit us are people that we know, usually well.

Those people are usually aware of their motives and goals when it comes to exploitation. But some are actually unconsciously manipulative, using subtle tactics that shape our decisions without either of us realizing it.

This is why it’s important that you know what to look for.

The Simple Hack That Slips Past Your Defenses

It seems to be common knowledge that those (especially those we trust) can gain access by asking for small requests, gradually pushing us to say “yes” to things we normally wouldn’t, testing how far they can go before triggering resistance.

But this is what many opt to do instead:

They’ll purposely get you to keep saying “no” to them, rather than “yes.”

They may know that you like black coffee, but they’ll offer you sugar and milk so that you can say “no.”

They may know that you avoid late-night calls, but they’ll call anyways so that you don’t pick up (a form of “no”).

They may know that you prefer direct answers, but they’ll give vague suggestions so you can push back (a form of “no”).

Why do they do this?

We are all subconsciously looking for safety in our relationships in order to build trust.

Each “no” that you say reinforces to yourself that they are someone you can set boundaries against, with little / no resistance from them.

When you feel comfortable setting boundaries, you start to associate them with safety and reliability.

When your defenses gradually lower around them, they can start exploiting.

It’s really that simple!

How To Build Safeguards Against This Tactic

Protection is more than just noticing when you say “no,” though awareness is the first line of defense.

Here are other ways that you can guard yourself and your business effectively when it comes to this tactic:

1. Limit one-on-one dependencies.

   Reduce situations where a single person has control over an important part of your business or workflow (ex: one employee handles all client communications). Use shared accounts or split responsibilities between multiple parties.

2. Track patterns.

   Take note of any patterns around your interactions where you are saying “no” in some way. You can figure out if they’re testing your boundaries or being genuine.

3. Always pause before you make a decision.

   We tend to answer or respond automatically to others, especially when something feels familiar and safe. Pausing allows you to evaluate the request on its own merits.

4. Document everything in writing.

   This includes communication (ex: choose email over a phone call), contracts, agreements, scheduling, and all other information.

5. Trust your gut.

   This can be a difficult one, as we can be completely blindsided by the people we trusted. But take note of any inconsistencies or signals that you’d normally brush under the rug for those you care about. Your business is your vehicle for survival - take note of everything from a more neutral position.