How To Know Whether You're "Sacrificing" or "Compromising"
Reflection Question: Is there an area in your life that feels more like a sacrifice than a compromise?
One of the biggest causes of burnout and resentment — whether in relationships, career, home life, etc. — can actually be due to the gray area that relationships often encompass: the area of give and take. The area of compromise.
Where do we set boundaries? What is “too selfish” or “too over-giving?” When do we say “yes” or “no?”
We often hear people say, “I don’t really want to do it, but I feel like I need to… to make Blah Blah happy, to keep my job, to avoid an argument.”
I am staunchly against the age-old adage that “relationships require sacrifice.” To me, this sounds like a people-pleasing trait (one that I held for a long time and learned, after much trial and error, to examine and overcome).
When Should We “Sacrifice?”
The answer is “never.”
So how do you know if you’re actually “sacrificing” or “compromising?”
Ask yourself if your actions, intentions, choices, thoughts, behaviors, etc. align with your core values.
Especially in the area of relationships, this is very important.
When Should We “Compromise?”
The answer is “it’s totally up to you, as long as what you compromise on is not your core values.”
To compromise means to make adjustments so that all parties involved are satisfied, so long as our individual core values are fully preserved.
What Are Our Core Values, And Why Are They Important?
Our core values are our deepest underlying beliefs, motivations, and beliefs that shape everything in our lives — from lifestyle to choices to relationships to thoughts & behaviors.
Our core values act as our guiding compass, helping us understand what matters most and who / what / when / where / how to engage with the world. They can determine our goals & aspirations, relationships, morals & principles, character & identity, and lifestyle & wellbeing.
When we understand our core values and stay true to them, we feel a sense of deep, authentic fulfillment and personal power that nothing can replace.
We experience a genuine sense of joy and happiness, as if we are living out our purpose each and every day. Decisions become more clear to make. We gain a better understanding of where each person stands in our lives. Our boundaries become much easier for us to both understand and enforce. We navigate challenges with a greater sense of ease.
Our values, unique to each of us, communicate who we are on the deepest level.
Defending Our Core Values
Defending our core values requires us to both understand what our values are and to develop the courage to stay true to those values, even if it may wreak havoc on our current foundations or isolate us from our current community.
One of the best ways to develop that courage is simply by finding other people who share those core values (or are at least compatible / accepting of them). It’s much easier to compromise comfortably, intimately, and harmoniously when we align with those who share or respect our core values. What’s being negotiated isn’t our fundamental beliefs but the ways we express them.
Remember that values are fully subjective — no value is more “moral” or “superior” than another.
Staying loyal to our core values is truly the best way we can ever show ourselves love.
If you’re not sure what your core values are, you can take this comprehensive Values Test (I took it and absolutely agree with it)!
- Valerie