The Many Ways We Can Hold Space — And Why It’s Okay to Choose Just One
We talk a lot about holding space these days — in healing circles, relationships, and online communities. It’s a term that’s gained traction, especially in spiritual, coaching, and wellness spheres. And while it’s often spoken about with reverence, there’s an undercurrent of pressure that isn’t always named:
The pressure to hold space “the right way.”
To be soft, available, endlessly empathetic.
To always know the right thing to say.
To listen without needing to be heard.
For women, femme-aligned individuals, and those raised to prioritize others' needs above their own, this kind of emotional labor becomes second nature — not necessarily by choice, but by design. It's woven into our nervous systems, modeled in our families, and reinforced by society.
But here’s what needs to be said — just because you can hold space doesn’t mean it’s your job to.
And even if you’re good at every way of holding space, you get to choose just one — or none at all.
What It Really Means to Hold Space
At its core, holding space means creating an environment — emotional, physical, or energetic — where another person can be fully themselves. It’s about presence, not performance. Compassion, not control. It’s a role of support, not of saving.
And it doesn’t always look the same.
Here are just a few ways people hold space:
Deep listening without interruption
Asking grounded, clarifying questions
Offering gentle validation
Creating safe physical environments (like homes, healing spaces, art)
Providing clear structure or guidance
Sharing emotional resonance or empathy
Holding silence without trying to fill it
Offering direct feedback with love
Witnessing someone’s process without judgment or interference
All of these are valid.
None are universal.
Your Nervous System Has a Preferred Way to Hold Space
This is where things get deeper. Most people don’t consider how their nervous system impacts the way they hold space — or how they can best hold it sustainably.
Some of us are wired to hold calm in the chaos.
Some of us process deeply and need time before responding.
Some are natural mirrors, able to reflect others' emotions.
Others are architects of safety, offering structure and clarity.
And some simply radiate creative energy, giving others permission to express themselves.
Your nervous system holds clues. Maybe you tend to absorb others’ moods. Maybe your shoulders tense up when someone unloads emotionally. Maybe you stay up at night wondering if you said the wrong thing in a conversation.
These aren’t signs that you’re broken — they’re signs that your default setting is being overloaded.
Many people, especially neurodivergent folks or those with trauma histories, are very skilled at reading a room, anticipating emotional needs, and holding others. But that doesn’t mean it’s their role to do so 24/7 — or even at all.
Society Has Conditioned Women to Hold Space in One Particular Way
Let’s name this clearly: society conditions women and femme-aligned people to be the emotional ground for others. We’re praised for being nurturing, understanding, forgiving, and self-sacrificing.
We’re taught that to be a “good” friend, partner, coach, or creator, we should be:
Soft, but not too assertive
Available, but not needy
Be a solid shoulder to cry on
Supportive through asking the right questions
This emotional performance is often internalized. Many of us find ourselves acting out these roles even when our bodies are screaming no. We say yes to “being there” out of habit, guilt, or fear of being perceived as selfish.
But here’s the truth:
Holding space is not an obligation. It’s a choice.
And saying no to that role doesn’t make you cold or unkind — it makes you conscious.
You’re Allowed to Define How You Hold Space — Or If You Do At All
This is the part no one tells you:
You get to define your role in other people’s lives.
You can say:
"I hold space by sharing my writing, not by holding emotional space 1:1.”
“I’m here to offer tools and structure — not to process emotions in real time.”
“I hold space through art, beauty, and perspective — not through constant presence.”
Some people hold space through creating.
Some through intuition.
Some through clarity and systems.
Some don’t hold space for others at all — because their work is to hold space for themselves.
All are valid.
In Small Business, Holding Space Happens More Than You Realize
Whether you’re a healer, reader, artist, designer, or content creator — if you run a service-based or soul-led business, you are likely holding space even when you don’t realize it.
You hold space when you answer client emails with care.
You hold space when someone books a session and you prepare with intention.
You hold space when you post vulnerable content that invites others in.
You hold space when you share your energy through products or services that people trust.
And while it can be beautiful, it can also become draining if it goes unchecked.
That’s why it’s crucial to ask:
How do I want to hold space in my business?
Where are my boundaries around that?
Not everyone is meant to hold space through coaching.
Not every tarot reader wants to be a therapist.
Not every artist wants to process your emotions with you.
Your business is allowed to have edges.
Your offerings don’t have to be endlessly emotionally available.
You can name your limits — and still be deeply impactful.
You Don’t Need to Be Everything to Be Enough
There’s a dangerous myth in wellness culture that says:
“If you’re not showing up fully for everyone, you’re doing it wrong.”
But the truth is: you’re allowed to do what feels true for you.
You don’t have to hold space for strangers in your DMs.
You don’t have to offer emotional labor just because someone paid you.
You don’t have to be the friend who’s always available, the coach who’s always “on,” the creator who responds to every comment.
Your nervous system gets a say.
Your energy gets a say.
Your boundaries get to lead.
Questions to Reflect On:
If you’re feeling stretched thin or unsure about your role in others’ lives — especially through your small business — consider these:
What kind of support feels most natural for me to give?
What kind of space drains me, even if I’m good at it?
Where do I feel most aligned when showing up for others?
What would it look like to not hold space at all for a while?
How does my nervous system respond when I’m asked to emotionally support someone?
Final Thoughts: You Holding Space for Yourself is Enough
If you take nothing else from this, let it be this:
You are not obligated to be an emotional holding tank for others.
You’re allowed to define your role.
You’re allowed to hold space in a way that supports you, too.
And you’re allowed to step back altogether — for a season or a lifetime — and focus that energy inward.
Holding space doesn’t always mean doing more.
Sometimes, it’s just about doing it differently.
Or choosing not to do it at all.
And that is sacred, too.
If you need help with figuring out where to go from here, you can either book a doll call or speak to one of our career dolls!