You Don’t Have to Be the ‘Good One’: Embracing Your Shadow as a Business Owner
We all have a favorite version of ourselves.
The radiant one.
The nurturing one.
The grounded, wise, emotionally aware, love-soaked version of ourselves that’s healing, magnetic, and admired.
We build personal brands around her.
We lead businesses from her.
We show up online as her — the “good one,” the “together one,” the “graceful one.”
But what about the other parts?
What about the version of you that lashes out when she’s overwhelmed, pulls away without warning, gets jealous of other people’s wins, or unintentionally causes harm?
What happens when you’re the one who doesn’t answer the message, who’s too reactive, too needy, too cold, too much?
It doesn’t feel good to be seen as that version of yourself — the one that doesn’t fit your carefully curated self-image.
But here's the truth.
You are all of it. And that doesn’t make you broken — it makes you human.
The Archetypes We Wear — and Why We Need All of Them
Every one of us has inner archetypes we gravitate toward.
The kind, nurturing one.
The lightworker.
The wise soul.
The strong, unfazed one.
The community builder.
The soft and spiritual creative.
The “safe space.”
These archetypes become our “default roles” — our identity costumes. They're comforting because they’re validated by others. They're rewarded. People trust them. They make us feel like we have value.
But here’s what we forget:
We’re here to experience the full range of what it means to be a human being.
Not just the light. Not just the admirable.
But also the shadow. The messy. The reactive. The uncomfortable.
Every archetype has a shadow twin — and it lives within you, too.
ap were bleeding outward. Old knowledge was being questioned. New continents were being named. And Venice, with its rich history of maritime navigation and access to ancient texts, became a critical center for mapmaking.
The helper also becomes the resentful martyr.
The wise one can become the cold, detached know-it-all.
The strong one often suppresses their own needs until they explode.
The space-holder can become intrusive when they’re overreaching.
The role model can become controlling, craving perfection.
These aren’t flaws. They are patterns. Protective strategies. Adaptive roles.
Unlike the mass-produced maps of later centuries, these maps were often hand-drawn, colored with natural pigments, and filled with decorative elements like compass roses, saints, and sea creatures. They were as much works of art as they were tools for navigation.
And whether you want to or not, you will play them.
Why We Resist Our Shadow Selves (and Why That’s a Problem)
When we attach too tightly to our “positive” identity, we start to create internalized shame around any behavior that doesn't match it.
If I’m the kind one, then I can’t be irritated.
If I’m the grounded one, then I can’t feel chaotic.
If I’m the healed one, then I can’t make messy decisions.
So when the inevitable shadow behavior shows up, we panic. We try to control it. Erase it. Justify it. Or push it deep into hiding.
But here’s the cost: when you disown the uncomfortable parts of yourself, they gain more power over you.
They show up sideways. Through burnout. Through boundary collapses. Through emotional dysregulation or people-pleasing. They manifest in your business, your leadership, your relationships.
How This Shows Up in Small Business
As a small business owner, especially in heart-led or creative work, the pressure to be “likeable,” “safe,” and “put together” is intense.
You might worry that if you show emotion, set a boundary, or stop being pleasant, someone will leave a bad review. Or unfollow you. Or tell others that “you’ve changed.”
That fear is valid — especially for women, femmes, and marginalized creators, whose value has long been tied to their ability to be accommodating and digestible.
But business is a mirror. And if you're building a business that only allows one version of you to exist — the agreeable one — you'll eventually feel boxed in, burnt out, or resentful.
You don’t have to be the good guy in everyone’s story.
Sometimes growth looks like someone misunderstanding you.
Sometimes leadership looks like disappointing someone for the sake of staying true to yourself.
How to Accept the Less-Lovable Selves
So how do we accept the parts of ourselves we’ve been taught to hide?
You are many characters.
You are not just one role. You are the full cast. Your “dark” roles are not wrong — they’re informative.
You are also a mirror.
Sometimes people see what they need to see in you — just as you do with them. That’s not always something you can control.
Not every version of you will be loved — and that’s okay.
You are not obligated to be palatable. You are obligated to be true.
The “messy” self teaches just as much as the “light” self.
The parts of you that hurt or trigger others can be portals to healing — for them, and for you. Shame doesn’t need to be part of the process.
Your worth isn’t conditional on performance.
You are not here to play the perfect business owner. You are here to evolve, experiment, and embody a full human experience — in business and in life.
Let Yourself Grow — In Public, In Private, In Process
Personal growth doesn’t always look like enlightenment and elegance.
Sometimes it looks like:
Making a decision that other people don’t agree with
Changing your mind publicly
Ending something that no longer feels aligned
Saying no and dealing with the fallout
Naming a truth that others wish you’d keep hidden
And that’s okay. These are sacred disruptions — the parts of your evolution that shake your foundations so you can rebuild with more wholeness.
Final Thoughts: Your Business Doesn’t Need a Perfect Persona — It Needs a Real Human
As entrepreneurs, we don’t just sell products or services.
We sell trust. We build resonance. We create a human-to-human connection.
And humans are complex.
They get it wrong.
They heal.
They grow.
They shapeshift.
So don’t be afraid to let your business evolve with you.
Hold the light and the shadow.
Honor the version of you that made mistakes.
And trust that your full humanity is not only allowed — it’s needed.
Because the people you're meant to serve aren't looking for perfect.
They're looking for real.
If you need help with figuring out where to go from here, you can either book a doll call or speak to one of our career dolls!